One of the most subtle, and most exhausting, patterns in relationships is the unconscious belief that we are responsible for how the other person feels. Many of us learn this early. We learn to read the room, anticipate moods, smooth over tension, and prevent discomfort. Over time, this can start to feel like love. But
When life feels overwhelming, our minds do something very unhelpful. They zoom out. Suddenly you’re not facing one task — you’re facing your entire life at once. The messy kitchen becomes a symbol of failure. The unread emails feel like proof you’re falling behind. The hard conversation turns into a verdict about who you are.
Most of us were never taught how to regulate our emotions. We were taught how to behave, how to perform, how to be polite, but not how to stay connected to ourselves when fear, anger, sadness, or shame surge through the body. Yet emotion regulation is not a personality trait. It is a trainable neurobiological