“Where your fear is, there is your task.”

-C.G. Jung

Fear is often viewed as a signal for danger. However, our actual appraisal of a fearful situation or circumstance can range widely depending on the context, our personal history, and our appraisal of both what is feared and what our fear is telling us. On a basic level, fear tells us there is a threat. But what is a threat? Certain things can be universally seen as threatening, but others are much more subjective.

Fear can be uncomfortable and distressing, which often causes us to behave in ways to minimize fear, such as avoidance, or defend against fear through mechanisms such as denial, minimization, rationalization, or projection. It may also contribute to over-compensation in an attempt to disprove our fear and win victory over fear through a perceived sense of control. When fear takes over, it can lead to negative appraisals of our abilities and capacities, leading to self-doubt. This makes it difficult to trust ourselves and our true capacity. We can even become fearful of fear itself, leading us to live a restricted life in an attempt to feel safe. Fear can be paralyzing and keep us from our true potential.

However, when we change our orientation to fear and begin to appraise it differently, we can come to understand fear in a much more positive light. In fact, fear can be our friend.

The first step is to face and embrace our fear. Ask yourself what it is you are afraid of? What is the worst case scenario? What beliefs about yourself or others contribute to your fear? How do you behave or react to your fear? Do you avoid what you fear? How has fear informed your decisions? What is your most realistic appraisal of your fear and the feared situation or scenario? What would others say about your fear? Asking such questions can help us to better understand and become more accepting of our fear. However, understanding and accepting our fear does not always mean we will be free of discomfort.

Rather than an absence of discomfort, the goal of befriending our fear involves moving into our discomfort with greater understanding, acceptance, and courage; ultimately leading to empowerment. Once we are no longer avoiding our fear, we can listen to it, understand it, and use it as a guide for continued growth.

Experiencing our fear can show us that we are at our growth edge. Staying with our fear and beginning to experience our fear as a guide can allow for meaningful transformation and growth. Moving toward what we fear and stepping just past our fear, within reason and in a thoughtful manner, can lead to tremendous personal growth and development. Being fully present with our fear without trying to deny or escape it can lead to a sense of being alive and energized as we take on new challenges, build new positive appraisals, experience greater confidence and agency, and connect more fully to ourselves as capable, resilient, and continuously evolving human beings.

Dr. Thomas Lindquist, Psy.D.

Licensed Psychologist

Contact: t.lindquist.psyd@gmail.com