Many of us grow up learning that anger is something to suppress. We’re taught to be polite, accommodating, and agreeable, even when we feel frustrated or mistreated. While kindness and empathy are important values, the complete suppression of anger often comes at a cost.

When anger is buried rather than expressed, it tends to show up indirectly through resentment, passive-aggressive behavior, anxiety, or emotional distance in relationships.

In their influential book Creative Aggression: The Art of Assertive Living, psychologists George Robert Bach and Herb Goldberg argued that healthy aggression is not something to eliminate but something to transform. When channeled constructively, aggression becomes a force that supports authenticity, personal growth, and honest relationships.

This idea remains deeply relevant today. In fact, many modern therapeutic approaches—from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to contemporary psychodynamic psychotherapy—recognize that healthy assertion and emotional honesty are essential parts of psychological well-being.

Understanding how to use anger constructively is not about becoming hostile or confrontational. It’s about learning to express oneself clearly and directly without damaging relationships or suppressing important emotions.

What Is “Creative Aggression”?

Bach and Goldberg used the term creative aggression to describe a healthy psychological capacity: the ability to assert one’s needs, confront problems directly, and express anger in ways that lead to growth rather than destruction.

Aggression in this sense does not mean violence or hostility. Instead, it refers to the energy of self-assertion—the psychological force that allows us to:

• set boundaries
• say no when necessary
• confront unfair treatment
• advocate for ourselves
• engage honestly in conflict

Without this capacity, people often fall into patterns of passivity, avoidance, or resentment.

Many individuals who struggle with anxiety, burnout, or relationship dissatisfaction are not overly aggressive—they are often insufficiently assertive.

The Cost of Suppressed Anger

When anger cannot be expressed openly, it tends to find other pathways. Psychologists have long observed that suppressed anger can contribute to a range of emotional and relational difficulties.

Research in emotion regulation suggests that chronic suppression of emotions increases physiological stress and psychological distress (Gross & Levenson, 1997).

Instead of disappearing, unexpressed anger often reemerges as:

• passive-aggressive communication
• irritability or sarcasm
• emotional withdrawal
• chronic resentment
• anxiety or depression

In relationships, suppressed anger can create confusion and distance. When people avoid expressing frustration directly, partners, friends, and coworkers may sense tension without understanding its source.

Over time, this dynamic can erode trust and emotional intimacy.

Why Assertiveness Matters

Assertiveness occupies the middle ground between passivity and hostility.

Passive individuals suppress their needs to avoid conflict.

Aggressive individuals impose their needs at the expense of others.

Assertive individuals, however, communicate their needs clearly and respectfully.

Research on interpersonal effectiveness consistently shows that assertiveness is associated with:

• greater self-esteem
• lower anxiety
• healthier relationships
• improved psychological well-being

For example, assertiveness training has been shown to reduce social anxiety and improve communication skills in both clinical and non-clinical populations (Speed, Goldstein, & Goldfried, 2018).

Assertiveness allows individuals to maintain both self-respect and respect for others, which is why it plays a central role in many modern therapeutic approaches.

A Psychodynamic Perspective: The Role of Anger in Psychological Development

From a psychodynamic perspective, anger is not merely an unpleasant emotion—it is a signal about unmet needs or violated boundaries.

Psychologist Nancy McWilliams has emphasized that emotions like anger often carry valuable information about the self and one’s relationships. When individuals are unable to recognize or express anger, they may lose access to an important source of psychological insight.

Similarly, psychoanalytic theory suggests that repression of anger can contribute to various psychological symptoms. When emotional energy is pushed out of awareness, it often reappears in disguised forms such as anxiety, somatic symptoms, or interpersonal conflict.

In therapy, learning to identify and express anger constructively can be an important part of developing a stronger and more authentic sense of self.

Jung, the Shadow, and Assertive Living

Carl Jung offered another powerful framework for understanding suppressed aggression through his concept of the shadow.

The shadow represents aspects of ourselves that we have rejected or hidden because they feel unacceptable. For many people, anger and aggression become part of this shadow.

When these qualities are denied entirely, they do not disappear. Instead, they may emerge indirectly—through resentment, projection, or sudden emotional outbursts.

Jung believed that psychological maturity requires integrating the shadow, not eliminating it. Healthy aggression, in this sense, becomes part of a balanced personality.

Learning to express anger thoughtfully and responsibly allows individuals to reclaim an important aspect of their psychological vitality.

The Difference Between Destructive and Creative Aggression

Not all expressions of anger are healthy. The goal is not simply to “vent” emotions but to communicate them in ways that promote understanding and growth.

Destructive aggression often includes:

• personal attacks
• humiliation or contempt
• impulsive outbursts
• attempts to dominate others

Creative aggression, by contrast, involves:

• clear communication
• emotional honesty
• respect for both self and others
• willingness to engage in constructive conflict

In this way, conflict becomes an opportunity for deeper understanding rather than a threat to the relationship.

Healthy disagreement, when handled with respect and openness, can strengthen relationships rather than weaken them.

Learning the Skills of Assertive Communication

Assertiveness is not an inborn personality trait—it is a skill that can be developed with practice.

Some helpful strategies include:

Use clear, direct language

Instead of hinting or expecting others to read your mind, communicate your concerns directly.

For example:

Instead of:

“I guess it doesn’t matter what I want.”

Try:

“I feel frustrated when my input isn’t considered. I’d like us to talk about this.”

Focus on feelings and needs

Using “I” statements helps reduce defensiveness and keeps the focus on personal experience rather than blame.

Accept that conflict is sometimes necessary

Avoiding conflict entirely often leads to greater problems later. Healthy relationships require the ability to address disagreements openly. Learn more about addressing disagreements in my article The Art of Compromise.

Tolerate discomfort

One of the biggest barriers to assertiveness is the fear of upsetting others. Learning to tolerate temporary discomfort can be an important step toward healthier boundaries.

Learn more about understanding emotions in my article Befriending Out Emotions or more about self regulation in my articles Learning To Stay When Feelings Feel like Too Much and Self-Regulation.

When Assertiveness Changes Relationships

Interestingly, becoming more assertive can initially disrupt established relationship patterns.

If someone has long been accommodating or conflict-avoidant, others may react with surprise or resistance when that person begins setting boundaries.

This reaction does not necessarily mean the change is wrong. In fact, it often reflects the adjustment that occurs when long-standing interpersonal roles begin to shift.

Over time, assertiveness typically leads to more balanced and authentic relationships.

The Psychological Benefits of Creative Aggression

When people learn to express themselves openly and honestly, several positive changes often occur:

They feel more authentic.

They experience less resentment and emotional suppression.

Their relationships become clearer and more direct.

Research on emotional expression also suggests that acknowledging and processing difficult emotions contributes to greater psychological resilience and well-being (Pennebaker & Chung, 2011).

In other words, emotional honesty—including the honest expression of anger—can be an important part of psychological health.

Moving Toward Assertive Living

Assertiveness is not about becoming confrontational or argumentative. It is about developing the ability to express oneself clearly, respectfully, and authentically.

Creative aggression, as Bach and Goldberg described it, transforms anger into a constructive force that supports personal growth and healthier relationships.

When individuals learn to recognize and express their emotions honestly, they often discover a deeper sense of self-confidence and emotional freedom.

Rather than suppressing anger or allowing it to erupt destructively, assertiveness offers a third path—one that honors both the self and the relationship.

Therapy and Learning Assertiveness

Many people were never taught healthy ways of expressing anger or setting boundaries. Learn more about setting boundaries in my article Boundaries.

Therapy can provide a space to explore these patterns and develop more effective ways of communicating.

In psychotherapy, individuals often learn to:

• recognize and understand their emotional responses
• identify patterns of avoidance or suppression
• develop healthier communication skills
• build confidence in setting boundaries

Over time, this process can help individuals move toward a more authentic and assertive way of living.

We offer psychodynamic therapy that provides space to help individuals explore these experiences with curiosity and develop a healthier relationship to anger and assertiveness. If you’re considering therapy you can also learn more about our approach to anxiety, depression, and therapy for men here in Pittsburgh and online in all PSYPACT states.